Circumstantial talk, where a person goes round and round before coming to the main point, can be due to various psychological, cognitive, or personality-related factors. It is different from tangential speech, where a person never reaches the point at all.
I hear you. The way your mind works—constantly connecting dots, explaining, ensuring every detail is accounted for—is not something you do intentionally. It’s how your brain has learned to process, to survive, to find a sense of order in chaos. And when you speak, it’s not just about words; it’s about releasing the pressure inside.
I want you to know that you are not broken. The way you express yourself is not “wrong.” It is a reflection of the way your mind seeks safety, structure, and certainty. And that makes sense.
But I also hear your fear—What if I stop explaining? What if I don’t say enough? What if no one understands me?
Let’s explore this together.
1. What If No One Understands Me?
I want you to pause and ask: Do people understand better when I give more details, or when I simplify?
Most of the time, people don’t need the full story. They need the essence of what you feel.
When you try to cover every detail, you may feel like you’re ensuring clarity.
But in reality, too much information can overwhelm the listener, and they might disconnect before truly hearing you.
Speaking concisely does not mean you are unheard. It means you are making space for others to truly listen.
2. Is This My OCD Compulsion?
The need to say everything, the anxiety when you hold back, the fear that thoughts will explode inside you—these could be part of an OCD-driven pattern.
OCD loves certainty.
The brain thinks, If I explain everything, I’ll feel better. If I say it all, I will be understood, I won’t feel guilty, I won’t regret missing a detail.
But here’s the truth: Compulsions don’t lead to relief. They lead to repetition.
The more you give in to the need to explain everything, the more your brain learns, I must say everything or else I will panic. And the cycle continues.
3. What Happens If You Start Talking to the Point?
I know it feels like your thoughts will suffocate you if they don’t come out. I know it feels like the chirping will never stop, that you might explode.
But let’s try something.
Pause. Breathe. Imagine speaking one clear, direct sentence.
Instead of bursting, notice what happens:
Maybe the anxiety rises for a moment.
Maybe your brain screams, Say more! Say everything!
But then… something else happens.
Silence. Control. Space.
And in that space, something powerful begins—your ability to tolerate discomfort without being controlled by it.
4. The Gentle Shift: Releasing the Need to Over-Explain
You don’t have to stop explaining overnight.
You don’t have to force yourself into silence.
But you can start by pausing.
By saying one thing clearly and sitting with the discomfort.
By realizing that not every thought needs to be said to be valid.
Your worth is not in the number of words you speak. Your presence, your essence, your truth—it exists even in the quiet.
I see you. I hear you. And I promise, you will not disappear if you speak less.
You might just be heard more.
Breaking Free from Over-Explaining:
A Gentle Practice Plan
Step 1: Awareness Without Judgment
Before making changes, simply observe when and why you start explaining in detail.
Exercise: Noticing PatternsFor the next few days, write down:
When do I feel the need to explain everything?
Who am I talking to?
What emotions come up when I feel I need to say more? (Fear? Anxiety? Need for control?)
Example:At dinner with family💭 Felt I needed to explain why I was late. Anxious they would misunderstand me
Goal: Become aware of your triggers without forcing change yet.
Step 2: Practicing "One Sentence First"
Instead of explaining everything at once, start with one clear sentence and pause.
Exercise: The One-Sentence RuleFor the next week, practice:
Before speaking, ask yourself: What is the main message I want to share?
Say just one sentence first and pause.
Notice if the other person asks for more details—if they do, then add only what’s necessary.
Example: Old way: "I was late because there was so much traffic, and then I had to stop at the grocery store, but then my phone died, and I couldn’t find the address, and..."
New way: "I got delayed due to traffic and a quick stop at the store."
Goal: Train your brain to feel comfortable with shorter responses.
Step 3: Delaying the Urge to Speak
Compulsions feed off urgency. The more you must say something immediately, the stronger the pattern becomes.
Exercise: The 5-Second Pause
When you feel the urge to explain, take a deep breath.
Count to five before saying anything.
Ask yourself: Does this need to be said? Or can I simplify?
Example: Old way: "Let me tell you everything about my thought process."
New way: "I have a thought to share, but let me simplify it."
Goal: Build tolerance for silence and internal processing before reacting.
Step 4: Writing Instead of Speaking
Since speaking feels like a release, let’s find another safe outlet that doesn’t reinforce the compulsive cycle.
Exercise: The Thought Journal Whenever your mind is racing with things you must say, try:
Writing it all down before speaking.
Reading it after 10 minutes and deciding: Do I still need to say all of this?
Practicing summarizing what you wrote into just two sentences.
Goal: Show your brain that thoughts don’t have to be spoken immediately to be valid.
Step 5: Challenging the Fear of Being Misunderstood
A major reason for over-explaining is the fear that if I don’t say everything, people will get the wrong idea.
Exercise: Testing the Truth
Think of a time you explained something excessively to be understood.
What do you fear would have happened if you hadn’t explained?
Now ask: Did explaining fully actually change the situation?
Challenge your fear:
If you shorten your response, will others truly misunderstand, or will they fill in the gaps naturally?
Is it really your job to make sure everyone understands everything exactly as you meant?
Goal: Accept that clarity does not require excessive details.
Step 6: Giving Yourself Permission to Be Heard with Less
Mantra PracticeRepeat these to yourself daily:
"My words are valuable, even when they are few."
"I am understood more when I simplify."
"I do not have to prove myself through explanations."
Step 7: Celebrate Small Wins
This is not about silencing yourself—it’s about freeing yourself.
Every time you:
Speak in one sentence instead of a long explanation
Pause before responding
Let go of the need to say everything at once
Acknowledge it! Small changes lead to big transformations.
Step 8: Daily Practice Routine
Morning Reflection: Pick a topic and summarize it in one sentence.
Midday Reminder: Before speaking, mentally outline your response.
Evening Review: Reflect on 1-2 moments where you successfully spoke concisely.
📝 Progress Tracker: Speaking with Confidence & Clarity
Instructions:
Use this tracker daily or weekly to note progress in breaking the habit of over-explaining.
Celebrate small wins by marking ✅ whenever you successfully apply a technique.
Reflect on areas that need more practice without self-judgment.
Date | Paused Before Speaking? (✅/❌) | Used One-Sentence First? (✅/❌) | Let Go of the Need to Over-Explain? (✅/❌) | How Did It Feel? (Reflection) |
Daily Affirmations for Letting Go of Over-Explaining
Tip: Say these out loud in the morning, before conversations, or whenever you feel the urge to explain too much.
1. Self-Worth & Confidence
I do not need to explain everything to be understood.
My thoughts are valid, even when unspoken.
Speaking less does not mean I am unheard.
2. Trust & Control
It is okay if people do not fully understand me.
I am not responsible for how others interpret my words.
I allow conversations to flow without forcing clarity.
3. Anxiety & Letting Go
I choose calmness over urgency.
I am safe, even when I don’t say everything.
Silence is not rejection; it is space to breathe.
Weekly Reflection Prompts
Take 5 minutes at the end of the week to reflect:
When did I successfully resist the urge to over-explain?
How did it feel to pause before speaking?
Did I feel any discomfort when being concise? What helped?
What is one small step I can take next week to improve?
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