Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration and attention, and a lack of empathy for others. It is a normal and healthy trait to some extent and can be beneficial in certain situations, such as in leadership roles or when seeking recognition for one's achievements.
Freud uses term narcissism to describe situations in which an individual libido (psychic energy that is pleasure seeking) was invested int hte self rather than in other persons.
Let's simplify Freud's understanding of narcissism and how he applied it to various mental states:
Narcissism as a Broad Concept: Freud used the term "narcissism" differently than how it's often used today. Instead of just referring to a specific personality disorder characterized by excessive self-love or self-absorption, Freud applied the term more broadly to various psychiatric disorders.
Narcissistic Neuroses: Freud grouped several disorders under this category. In these disorders, a person’s sexual energy or libido, which is normally directed outward towards other people or objects (object libido), is instead turned inward towards themselves. This inward direction of libido is what Freud referred to as narcissism.
Effect on Reality Testing in Psychosis: Freud believed that in psychotic patients, this inward turn of libido (withdrawal from external objects) led to a loss of reality testing. In simpler terms, these patients struggle to distinguish between what's real and what's not. Their grandiosity (exaggerated sense of self-importance) and feelings of omnipotence (being all-powerful) result from an excessive amount of libido invested in themselves.
Narcissism in Physical Illness and Hypochondriasis: Freud also observed that in states of physical illness or hypochondriasis (excessive worry about having a serious illness), people often withdraw their libido from the external world and focus it on themselves. This focus on the self is seen as a form of narcissism.
Narcissism During Sleep: Freud even extended this idea to normal sleep, suggesting that when we sleep, our libido withdraws from the external world and reinvests in our own body, which is another form of narcissism according to his broad definition.
Primary Narcissism at Birth: Freud believed that when babies are born, they exist in a state of primary narcissism, where all their libido (sexual energy) is focused on themselves. This is because, at birth, the baby's needs and physiological demands are the center of their world. He called this self-directed libido "ego libido."
Development of Object Relations: As the infant grows and realizes that needs are fulfilled by another person (like a mother), there's a gradual shift. The baby starts redirecting libido away from the self and towards this external person, forming the first "object relation." The libido invested in others is called "object libido."
Secondary Narcissism: If a child experiences setbacks or traumas, especially from those who care for them, they might withdraw the libido from external objects and reinvest it in themselves. This return to a self-focused state is what Freud termed secondary narcissism.
Narcissism in Various Contexts: Freud used the term "narcissism" to describe different aspects of human experience:
- As a perversion, where a person is sexually aroused by their own body or body parts.
- As a developmental phase, like primary narcissism in infants.
- In terms of object choice, distinguishing between:
- "Narcissistic type" object choices, where people are attracted to others who resemble their idealized or fantasized self-image.
- "Anaclitic" object choices, where the love object resembles a caretaker from early life.
- Freud also equated narcissism with self-esteem, using the terms interchangeably.
In summary, Freud’s concept of narcissism was not limited to just a personality trait or disorder; he applied it to various states where a person’s libido is turned inward, affecting their connection with reality and their interest in the external world. In essence, Freud’s use of "narcissism" spans from a natural developmental stage to a pathological condition, and from a mechanism of self-preservation to a style of relating to others, reflecting the complexity and breadth of his theories on human psyche and development.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition that is characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a need for admiration and lack of empathy for others, and a persistent pattern of behaviors that cause significant distress or impairment in one's life. NPD is a more extreme form of narcissism that causes significant impairment in a person's ability to function and interact with others.
Narcissistic injury refers to a threat or insult to a person's self-esteem or self-worth that triggers feelings of anger, shame, or humiliation. Narcissistic injury can occur when a person's grandiose sense of self is challenged, such as when they fail to achieve a goal, receive criticism, or are rejected by others.
Ways to heal from narcissistic injury may include:
Recognize and acknowledge the injury: It's important to acknowledge the pain and hurt caused by the narcissistic injury, and not dismiss it or try to suppress it.
Seek support: Surround yourself with people who care about you and can offer emotional support and validation.
Engage in self-care: Practice self-compassion and engage in activities that promote your physical and emotional well-being, such as exercise, meditation, or therapy.
Challenge negative self-talk: Challenge negative beliefs and self-talk that may have arisen from the narcissistic injury, and replace them with more positive and realistic thoughts.
Set realistic goals: Set realistic goals for yourself and celebrate your progress and achievements along the way. This can help build your self-esteem and confidence.
Seek therapy: Consider seeking therapy or counseling to work through the feelings of anger, shame, or humiliation associated with the narcissistic injury, and to develop healthy coping strategies for dealing with future challenges.
Overall, healing from narcissistic injury can be a difficult and ongoing process. It's important to seek support and engage in self-care, and to challenge negative beliefs and self-talk that may be holding you back. With time and effort, it is possible to heal from narcissistic injury and develop a stronger sense of self-worth and resilience.
Vocabulary Related to NPD:
Grandiosity: Definition: An inflated sense of one's importance, often exaggerated claims of talents or achievements.
Example: Even though John had never played a professional match, he believed he was on par with the best tennis players in the world, exhibiting clear grandiosity.
Fantasy: Definition: Imaginative or fanciful creation; not based on reality. For NPD, it refers to fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
Example: Lisa daydreamed about being the most famous singer worldwide, even though she had never performed outside her bedroom.
Entitlement: Definition: An unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or automatic compliance with one's expectations.
Example: Mark expected his colleagues to always prioritize his project, feeling a sense of entitlement without considering others' needs.
Exploitative: Definition: Taking advantage of others to achieve personal gain, without regard to the other person's feelings or welfare.
Example: Sarah consistently borrowed money from friends but never repaid them, using their kindness for her own benefit.
Lack of Empathy: Definition: Inability or unwillingness to recognize and respect the feelings and needs of others.
Example: Despite her friend crying and sharing a personal story, Jane seemed more interested in her phone and did not offer any comfort.
Envy: Definition: A feeling of discontent or resentment stemming from another person's possessions, qualities, or luck.
Example: Watching his peer receive praise, Robert felt a deep sense of envy because he always wanted to be the center of attention.
Arrogance: Definition: An attitude of superiority, often manifesting as an overbearing manner or presumptuous claims.
Example: Stella dismissed everyone else's suggestions in the meeting, believing only her ideas had merit, showcasing her arrogance.
Validation-Seeking: Definition: A constant need for external affirmation, praise, or acknowledgment to feel good about oneself.
Example: Tom frequently shared his minor achievements on social media, seeking validation and compliments from his peers.
Love bombing: This is a manipulative tactic where a person showers someone with excessive affection, praise, and attention in order to gain control or influence over them. It can happen in various contexts such as in romantic relationships, friendships, or even in cults. The bombardment is usually at the beginning of the relationship and can make the recipient feel overwhelmed in a positive way. However, once the bomber feels they have secured the affection or trust of the other person, they might withdraw that attention, leaving the other person feeling insecure and chasing after that initial affection.
Breadcrumbing: This term is often used in the context of modern dating. Someone who is "breadcrumbing" gives just enough attention or affection to keep another person interested, but never fully commits or invests in the relationship. It's like leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for someone to follow, without ever leading to something substantial.
Gaslighting: A form of psychological manipulation wherein the manipulator tries to make someone doubt their own reality, memories, or perceptions. The term comes from the 1944 film "Gaslight" where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she's going insane. Gaslighting can be subtle, like questioning someone's memory of an event, or overt, like outright denying that a known event ever happened.
Manipulating: A broad term that refers to any behavior or action aimed at influencing someone's decisions or perceptions in a covert or deceitful way. Manipulation can take many forms and is often associated with gaining power, control, or personal gain at the expense of another.
Charismatic: A person described as charismatic is often charming, influential, and inspiring to others. Charisma can be used positively, such as when a leader inspires a team or organization towards a noble goal. However, it can also be used manipulatively when someone leverages their charisma to deceive or exploit others.
Charming: Being pleasant or delightful in a way that attracts others. Someone who is charming may have a natural ability to attract and engage others, making them feel special or valued. Like charisma, charm can be used for positive or negative purposes.
Understanding these terms and their manifestations is critical when interacting with or trying to support someone with NPD. While the traits can be challenging to deal with, it's essential to approach individuals with compassion and seek professional guidance when necessary.
A glism of the Narcissist
It’s my way or there is no way—a person so much in love with self. "Mein Raja - Baki Sab Praja".
An adult stuck in the age of infancy. They only care about themselves, “what I want”, “I must have”.
Is hungry for fame and name and can play any game if the hunger persists.
NPDs are either found leading or in the company of leaders and big shots.
Entitlement, Grandiosity, Attention, Praise, and Glory are their basic necessities, I would call it “narc supplies”. If they are deprived of these necessities, you will find them acting out or going to extreme lengths to hurt, harm or humiliate the other concerned parties.
Narc tools include love bombing, breadcrumbing, gaslighting, manipulating, Charismatic, and Charming. They would know how to make the others dance. They would complete the task they set their mind on, especially if it involved revenge. Revenge in form of harm & hurt or rarely-humiliation, getting sadistic pleasure.
Children raised under NPD experience extreme upbringing patterns, either they are dependent personalities “a scapegoat” or someone parents use to showcase and flaunt the glories “a show stoppers”.
Spouses experience inconsistency in receiving love and respect. Always in dilemma of their choices and identity in the form of gaslighting. They would be singled out and cut out from the world so narc would do as narc would please. They will make a spouse live a fantasy at times and at times they will show them hell, leaving them confused. They would want to be perceived as GOD.
Their defences are often primitive like denial and projection. They feel threaten of robbed of their grandiosity and so paranoia is also commonly seen. They don’t go to therapy, but people who live with them will end up in treatment. However, if the narc supplies is deprived for any reason, then they might end up in treatment with the unconscious or conscious intention of making the therapist a resource of their "narc supply" and not to heal.
Differentiate and diagnose, by using onset, frequency, consistency, pervasiveness, family history, past history, vindictive behavior, and interviews with colleagues, friends, and family.
Empathy is vacant. NPD revenges have sadistic pleasure - hurt & harm, or humiliate. All they want from you is to make them a king. You might see a conversational narcissist who would hijack the conversations, might look like or get away saying “is ADHD”, would conclude that if you end up dealing with a narc, which you will in the course of your life, don’t challenge the kingdom, but be the Chanakya or learn to surrender. If you can’t
- RUN. Kyuki “acche din kabhi nahi aayega”.
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