Break Free From Abuse
- Parita Sharma
- 1 day ago
- 7 min read
Breaking Free
For the victim, this dual personality is devastating. Victims often oscillate between conflicting emotions, using defenses like denial (refusing to see the reality), splitting (viewing them as either all-good or all-bad), ambivalence (feeling both love and hate for them), and resistance (clinging to the illusion of the narcissist’s created fairy tale). These defenses make it harder to leave, as the narcissist feeds your hope with moments of kindness or fake temporary change, only to revert to manipulation. If you try to leave before they have another source of narcissistic supply, they will do anything to please you and make you stay, they will again plot a fairy tale (this is called future faking), send you on a guilt trip for being so harsh with this "innocent soul" (this is called gaslighting), or they charm you with the mesmerizing time that captures you (this is love bombing) they play cool, walk-in style, live in denial to avoid their cunning actions and if you still fail to be under their control as before, they will begin a "smear campaign". They will call the people who matter to you and tell them stories to defame you.
Caution
And the most important thing, you will see people like me writing and telling stories to stand up for yourself, and save yourself, yes it's true you will be at a better place without them, but do not- I repeat DO NOT attempt till you are ready in all the ways, till then be the "YES" person, play along, let them see they are winning, and protect your peace and happiness in disguise. Don't personalize what they say, don't believe what they say, and all the bad things they say are not you, but their projection on you. Whatever gives you power is a threat to them, be careful not to challenge them. Live low, don't shine or don't get dim, and keep your near and dear ones unknown from them. The way they take revenge is scary, so try not to challenge them even if you are ready. Let them, just let them be, you just take care of yourself.
Exit Strategies
The exit is going to be messy. Don’t pray or wait for easy exits, or hope they will change—this hope will be the biggest hindrance in your journey to exit from a narcissistic illusion. Do not expect closer, don't try to take revenge (believe me, they are so good at it, you will have no chance to win) Don't worry if they show you they have moved on and now another person is getting what you want. The truth is that THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE you know this is all a facade. They can take away everything from you, even your children, to punish you.
Your reality is distorted so no wonder you will try to take validations from others but it will not help, do not expect to be understood by anyone. No one can, don't waste energy on deaf ears and empty, uneducated minds. Build your tribe, know the correct people, and keep them by your side. It's a rocky road ahead, don't hesitate to ask for help. When meeting other people, especially the common ones try to be neutral, don't get on the mission to tell your side. The more you get impacted, they win, and if you are not careful they may never leave. Just be invisible, remember you already know this feeling, your narc has made sure of it. In short, no explanation to anyone not even to yourself, It's normal to go through the pain when you aren't ready to let go of them. To avoid the vacuum (illusionary and strong) you may get sucked back into the black hole, don't worry, take care, beware, and do not personalize - what they say is not your identity,
Aftermath
1 year is the minimum requirement of total absence to flush out the drugs called narcissistic abuse you have to take. You will miss the "illusionary" security, safety, luxury, and warmth they have created, pin your illusionary bubble, and see you have already paid your debt without your consent they took your soul to juggle and play to be your master and get entertained in any which way. They mold you as they wish, they use you as they please, what more is left to clear the debt? An empath soul you are, always on edge to care for the abuser (trauma bond) you would want to go back and know how they are doing, and find different methods to be their go-to person. Their touch, feel, smell, breath, cuddle, warmth, laughter, intimate moments, fun times, care, attention, and affection, they idolize you, and make you look like the founder and keeper of their precious self. everything that you ever want. Losing them is like losing your identity, you get tired of being alone and hope to see the hero of your life, your lost knight who will come to rescue you once more and take you away this time. (hoovering)
Beware
Confronting a narcissist of their traits and showing them the mirror is a bad decision, they will project everything right back at you, it's not your job to show them a mirror or help them heal. Don't invest your energy in teaching them a lesson, they are not going to learn. Staying in turmoil will spoil your health. Don't challenge their ego, they cannot handle narcissistic injury and then they may make a mission to sabotage you. They don't care if they win or not but will put all their energy so you lose. Some of you may choose not to leave thinking they need you, You may contemplate, what's your narcissist's fault? "I have to do my duty, what if something happens to them, what will people say? They will be deprived of love and care, and how will finances be managed, there are bills and school fees to be paid. I get that... do not leave, till you are ready to leave. I understand it's not going to be an easy decision. Leaving is the best decision, but if you can't escape physically then mentally distance yourself. Detach yourself, choose yourself, go to therapy, and eliminate your obsession and addiction to be around them. Clean up your mind space, and where they reside, and make room for people with whom you can thrive. There is no bigger satisfaction than you are living an abuser-free life, having a sense of self, connected to reality, and believing in self.
Narc Detox
Use the gray rock, yellow rock firewall, or any other technique to protect your sanity, write a daily journal, or take pictures to confirm your reality. Surround yourself with good people who understand your covert pain. Ensure they don’t know your confidants or your next move because they will turn them against you. Maintain your internal boundaries, and stay detached. Know that it's okay to grieve, there is a death of a beautiful (even though illusionary) relationship. My advice, sit with your emotions and allow yourself to feel the unwanted feelings, acknowledge, validate, and accept the feelings, take a day or two, sit in your discomfort, moan, cry, curse, and go wild, but whatever you do, remember not to be stuck in the misery, you got a life to thrive. For at least 1 year don't go back to your narc to give them their supply. Be compassionate, be kind, be courageous, and trust yourself, you can do this, yes you can. No Contact with them or no talk about them via middleman. Cut off from phones, social media, and common contacts (if possible) and erase them from your mind space, if you see them somewhere behave like you don't know them. Stay calm, your heart may be racing on their one sight, so take a few deep breaths. Don't go on self-pity, ignore them and move on, If they try to reach you, block them, do not fight, curse, or provoke them. Your reaction is their supply, starve them so they lose interest and find someone else. Do not avoid anything and stay in the dark room, it's not going to help. Take your life back try to manage your emotions with the help of your therapist and improve your skills. Take charge, you got this. They may send their flying monkeys, to detox the social circle, and keep it mundane and boring, they will try to trigger you, but don't give anyone the power to bother you. What people say and think can not decide your course of life. When someone uses you, use them back. I know nothing is going to be easy, after all, narc addiction is very crazy. To detox, use your resource, wellwisher, your tribe, family, and friends, read books, go exercise, and do the things, that give you zeal. Grow up it's time to heal.
True freedom begins with radical acceptance—the bravery to face reality as it is, without sugarcoating or denial. It means understanding that the good times you cherished were not genuine but part of a covert narcissist’s carefully crafted fairy tale. Accepting this truth is painful but necessary for your liberation and for your emotional, mental, and physical health. For your self-esteem and soul. All you need is an intention and action to emotionally grow up. As all other growth, this will be painful.
Research suggests Narcissists can change, but it's rare and requires a strong commitment to self-awareness, therapy, and growth. Most narcissists will not change unless they face significant consequences or genuinely want to improve their lives.
Your healing journey will not be easy, whether you choose to stay or leave. Either path will require strength, help, and validation because their manipulation distorts your reality, leaving you questioning everything. You need someone to help you reconnect with the truth and empower you to accept it. The day you are ready to let go of the fairy tale is the day you will free your soul.
Yes, the future may seem uncertain, but once the fog lifts, you will see the path ahead clearly. It will be your journey—raw, real, and entirely yours. Be patient with yourself. The road may be rocky, but each step will bring you closer to reclaiming your peace, joy, and sense of self. No more doubting yourself, they picked you because you already have more than them.
All you need to see, believe, and embrace yourself with your good and bad.
Remember, you are not crazy, and this is not your fault. You are worthy of love, freedom, and a life where you can thrive. You are enough, believe in yourself, give your best, and build a new life, time to let go of your narcissist's projected identity, Your identity is from your inner self.
With love and strength,
Parita
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